


Once This Spark Met Kindling

by neon_bible



Series: Creator [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Heavy Fluff, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Pre-TFA, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, Teenage Drama, Teenage Rebellion, Underage Smoking, Young Ben Solo, Young Love, Young Poe Dameron, like a fifteen year slow burn, like really slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-06-10 13:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6957484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neon_bible/pseuds/neon_bible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SERIES SUMMARY: Jess always told Poe that he was too easily taken with boys. That he became infatuated almost immediately, fell in love too quickly and held on too tightly. Poe could already tell that this would be the case with the Ben, if not worse.</p><p>Or: Young Poe meets Young Ben, a secondary school romance ensues, Ben disappears and then resurfaces 15 years later as Kylo Ren and in desperate need of Poe's help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Becoming Heat, Becoming Steam

**Author's Note:**

> "The creator has a master plan,  
> We may never understand,  
> So go out and wander across this land,  
> We're tracking down the creator's path."

 

Of all the people, places and things in the expanse of the galaxy that Ben Solo had no interest in -- and there were a lot of them -- Rebellion Galas skimmed the top of the list.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, blew smoke from his nose and stared up at the stars. The limestone bannister he sat on was cold on his legs and back, but he didn’t care. He leaned into the pillar that supported him and took another long drag from the cigarra. He shifted uncomfortably. The starchy robes his parents always made him wear to these galas were stiff and unforgiving. Even his antiquated Jedi robes would’ve been a step up, but there was nothing he could do about that now. The gala would be over in a few hours and he’d already shaken hands and done rounds with his parents, so the rest of the night was his. He had a few more freshly rolled cigarras left and he planned to smoke them all.

He overlooked his mother’s estate, and the ocean that laid beyond it. He hated this place. The manicured greenery, the sprawling lawns, the giant, ornate home that was just a speck on the massive lot. The only thing he liked about it was that it was so big he had plenty of places to go to get away from everyone.

He took another long drag and looked up at the sky again, covered in stars since it was the warm season, verging on the cold, and everything aligned. He lifted his head to shake some hair from his face and blew the smoke out.

Behind him, he heard the door to the balcony open. He turned quickly, scolding himself for not sensing this sooner, and went to extinguish his cigarra, but didn’t when he saw who it was.

It was the dark haired boy. The handsome one who smiled wide, spoke sweetly and always knew how to make people laugh. The talented and skillful one that people called a pilot prodigy, with quick reflexes, remarkable judgment, fast thinking and a reticent but palpable ruthlessness. Ben rolled his eyes and sat back against the limestone pillar. Ben hoped that if he just ignored him, the dark haired boy would go away. Ben had been told his name, but he’d since forgotten. He wasn’t very good with names.

“Hey,” the boy said.

Ben smoked, ignoring the greeting for a few moments.

“It’s a nice night,” the boy offered.

“What do you want?” Ben finally asked.

“Everyone was looking for you,” the boy said, “They gave your mom an award.”

“They always give my mom awards.”

“This one was special.”

“They always say it’s special.”

Ben took another long drag as the dark haired boy sat down on the bannister.

“Why are you still here?” Ben muttered.

“Can I bum a cigarra?”

“You don’t smoke tabac.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re the perfect, handsome pilot prodigy that everyone’s crazy about.”

“First time I’ve heard the handsome bit.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Can I bum one or not?”

“What do I get in return?”

“I’ll tell everyone I don’t know where you are.”

“My cigarras are strong. You’re going to smell like tabac when you go back in there.”

“Then maybe I won’t go back in there.”

Ben rolled his eyes but offered the boy his cigarra. “Try it. If you don’t cough up a lung, you can have more.”

He took the cigarra and took a long drag like Ben had. Once the tabac smoke hit his throat, he coughed up a lung. He coughed violently until Ben placed a hand on his back and the coughing ceased.

“Told you,” Ben said, taking the cigarra back.

“How do you smoke those?” the boy asked.

Ben shrugged.

He coughed again to clear his lungs and looked over at Ben.

“I’m Poe, by the way. Poe Dameron.”

Ben nodded. _Poe._ How could he forget. Ben would’ve introduced himself, but everyone already knew who he was.

“Why are you out here?” Poe asked.

“Because I don’t want to be in there.”

They were silent for a few moments while Ben smoked.

“Why are _you_ out here?” Ben asked, tapping ash from his cigarra, “Thought you loved being the center of attention?”

Poe shrugged, “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”

“I think it sounds awful.”

Poe shrugged again. “It’s exhausting sometimes.”

Ben leaned forward, crossing his legs and eyeing Poe.

“You don’t like it,” he concluded, “Being the perfect Poe.”

“You forgot handsome this time,” Poe said.

Ben leaned back. He offered his cigarra again.

“Here,” he said, “Take it easy this time.”

Poe took it again and took a slow, shallow drag. He blew the smoke out without coughing.

Ben pulled another cigarra from the chest pocket of his robe and lit it. “You can keep that one,” Ben said, the cigarra hanging from between his lips.

Poe nodded. “Thank you.”

Ben said nothing in response. They sat and smoked in silence for a while.

“Will you go back and train with Luke?” Poe asked, “After the warm season is over and classes start?” Ben stared at him, tapping ash from the end of his cigarra.

“I heard that’s where you were? Training with your uncle?” Poe offered, “Luke. Skywalker?”

Ben blew smoke from his nose. “What does it matter to you?”

Poe shrugged. “I was just trying to make conversation.

“Well you should’ve picked something else to talk about.”

“Sorry,” Poe said, sensing the cold vibes Ben was giving off.

They sat in heavy, awkward silence, pulling on cigarras and blowing smoke.

“I’m not sure,” Ben said after a minute, looking out over the estate, “If I’ll go back or not. My parents want me to try going to the academy here. Luke and I don’t get along very well.”

“Oh?”

Ben nodded.

“Well which would you rather do?”

“What? Between staying here or going with Luke?”

Poe nodded.

“Neither,” Ben said simply. Poe pulled from his cigarra, glad to have something to fill the silence with.

“Have they given you your own X-Wing yet?” Ben asked darkly, slouching down against the limestone and eyeing Poe again.

“Not yet,” Poe said, “I’ll get one when we get back to the Academy. After the warm season recess.”

“Lucky you,” Ben said, a smirk on his lips.

“I heard you have an X-Wing,” Poe said.

“I don’t have an X-Wing.”

“I heard you have a lightsaber too.”

Ben rolled his eyes and leaned forward now.

“Why do you want to join the Rebellion?”

Poe shrugged. “I grew up with the Rebellion.”

“So you’re doing it because they told you to?”

“No. I’m doing it because I want to.”

“You’re doing it because you don’t know any better. And that’s a flimsy reason to devote your life to fighting for a cause,” Ben said, _“Because you grew up with the Rebellion.”_

Poe rolled his eyes. “And what? You know better?”

Ben shrugged and pulled from his cigarette. “Have you heard of the First Order?”

Poe shook his head.

Ben chuckled darkly. “Of course not.” He paused. “They wouldn’t tell you about that yet.”

Poe furrowed his brow and Ben slid from the bannister and stood.

“I do have a lightsaber,” Ben said, “But I’m building a new one. The one Uncle Luke gave me is weak. It’s like he doesn’t trust me.”

Ben unhooked his lightsaber from somewhere behind his back and ignited it in the blink of an eye. Poe instinctively leaned back then quickly tried to catch himself when he realized he was on a bannister and there was nothing to lean on. Ben reached out a hand to steady him, to keep him from falling over the edge.

“I’m not going to hurt you with it,” Ben said, the cigarra smoking in his other hand as he twirled the saber around with his other, “See? It’s weak.”

Poe looked at the blue saber in front of him, humming with power and giving off a electric blue aura that lit up the space and reflected off of their faces.

“It doesn’t look weak to me.”

“It’s slow to power up and it’s not lethal enough.”

“Not _lethal enough?_ Don’t they all do the same--”

In another blink of an eye, Ben had retracted the saber and clipped it to his belt. “They’re not all the same.”

Ben took the last drag from his cigarra and then dropped the butt, grounding it into the stone with his boot. He straightened and hopped up to stand on the balcony in a swift jump.

“Where are you going?”

“Into town to steal more tabac and rolling papers,” Ben said, “I’m tired of being here.”

“Ok,” Poe said, holding out the cigarra, “I don’t… I’ve had enough I think.”

Ben rolled his eyes and plucked the cigarra from Poe’s hands then stuck in between his lips.

“You want to come?”

Poe shook his head.

“Then I’ll see you around,” Ben said as he lept from the balcony, landing nearly 30 feet below with the agility and lightness of a cat, then sprinting across the lawn faster than anyone else Poe had seen, even among Jedi. Ben hopped on a speeder bike, brought it to life, and then sped away from the estate.

***

**A MONTH LATER**

_Ben could feel the lightsaber in his hand. Heavy and cool. Larger and more powerful than the one Luke had ever allowed him to use. When he ignited it, it shone in a dazzling, crackling and terrifying red. The blade threatened to blow up at any minute, but it’s the only saber that would do the job he needed it do._

_Killing the remaining Jedi wouldn’t be hard at all. They were weak. All Jedi were weak. Ben held the saber tightly in his hand and twirled it a few times before breathing deeply, clearing his mind and charging forward._

When Ben woke up, he was sweating. Not because of the dream, but because almost all of Uncle Chewie’s home was open-air, and it was a hot morning. Ben laid in bed, kicked away the sweaty sheets and stared at an ant on the wall, confidently making its way down the floor, crawling with purpose, confident in its intentions. Outside the door, a knock and a soft roar. Chewie.

“I’m awake,” Ben said.

Another soft roar.

“I don’t want breakfast.”

A firmer roar.

“Well take that up with him.”

Han had instructed Chewie to make sure Ben got breakfast before his first day of school. Another roar.

“I _am_ up.”

Ben got out of bed now, hopped down from his bunk and threw open the door.

“See?” he said, a hand on his hip, staring up at Chewie. Chewie shrugged.

“I’ll fix your speeder bike for you if you let me stay home from school.”

Chewie roared.

“I’ll patch your roof.”

Chewie shook his head.

“Trim your hedges?”

Chewie roared. A question. _Why didn’t Ben want to go school?_

“Because I hate it there.”

Chewie gave him a look.

“I know it’s only my first day, but I already know I hate it.”

Chewie roared.

“I do know it. I can _sense it.”_

Chewie roared something that equated to _this discussion is over_ and sauntered off to go make Ben’s breakfast.

***

Ben munched on rye toast dutifully and sat cross-legged on the floor of Chewie’s kitchen, his glass of juice resting on the table, that was only high enough off the floor to fit their crossed legs under. Chewie wasn’t much a fan of chairs or furniture. His whole bungalow was bizarre. An open space with no windows, just window cut-outs, a dirt floor with straw mats, sparsely furnished, a thatched roof and a special room for Ben. Chewie had had the room built for Ben, so he’d have some place to go when he was fighting with Han and Leia. Which was more often than not. Chewie slept in a giant hammock on the balcony.

When he found out Ben would be staying with him for a few weeks, Chewie had gone to the market to pick up food Ben would want to eat. Mostly bread and cheese, with a few sliced meats and crisps and taffy to snack on. Ben had always loved taffy.

Chewie tore meat from a raw poultry leg and watched Ben eat. He roared softly, reminding Ben to eat his fruit.

“I know,” Ben grumbled. Chewie roared again, asking about his classes.

“I don’t know what I’m taking. My mom signed me up,” Ben slathered more jam on his toast, “Will you tell mom and dad if I skip?”

Chewie nodded.

“I’ll roll you some tabac.”

Chewie roared.

“My mom already knows I smoke tabac anyways.”

Chewie roared more firmly. Ben was going to school and he couldn’t smoke his tabac while he was here. Ben let out a dramatic breath and chugged the rest of his juice. Then put the glass down.

Chewie roared softly, going up at the end. A question. _Did Ben want a ride to school?_

***

Poe had his class schedule taped to the inside of his notebook, a slew of pens and pencils ready for note-taking and his canvas sack filled with extra paper and pens and the books for his next two classes. He was grade 11 now, so his locker was centrally located, but he liked to pack his books so he could spend the passing period socializing instead of rushing back and forth to his locker.

He was seated in homeroom, front and center, surrounded by his friends, talking, laughing and waiting for the opening bell. When the bell rang, they all quieted as the instructor took to the front of the room and dropped off the syllabus to be passed around, then began taking roll call.

All was well until she made it to the _S’s_ and called out, “Solo-Organa-Skywalker, Ben?”

The whole class went silent, their heads turning and eyes darting around the room. Surely they hadn’t overlooked _Ben Solo._  Everyone arrived at the same conclusion. Ben wasn’t there.

As if on queue, the door opened. Ben stalked in, hair over his eyes, dressed in all black -- in stark violation of the school’s dress code -- and his expression thoroughly sour. His dark eyes were cast down to the floor as he slid into a seat at the back of the room.

“Here,” he mumbled.

Poe stared. Apparently, Ben wouldn’t be returning to the Jedi Academy. Even so, his head spun. He was pretty sure Ben was grade 9, just fourteen or fifteen, but here he was in an Applied Physics class for high-achieving Grade 11 and 12 students -- seventeen and eighteen year-olds.

The instructor finished out roll call. Then straightened. She was a kind lady, but firm. She’d been a technician in the Rebellion for years, developing new weaponry and flight systems. She was Leia’s age, and had decided to take to the classroom to educate the next generation of Rebellion allegiants. She was also visibly displeased with Ben’s late arrival.

“We have a new student,” she said, nodding to Ben. “This is Ben. He’s a Grade 11 student and this will be his homeroom. I’d like you all to make him feel welcome.”

They all turned to Ben, who still hadn’t lifted his head. Poe inspected him, wondering what he was feeling, why he was already Grade 11 and why he wouldn’t look up.

“We’re glad to have you, Ben,” The instructor said. Ben lifted his head now, his eyes were dark and intense, but his gaze surprisingly docile. He mumbled something, so soft that everyone strained to hear it, but it was there: _Thank you._

***

At lunch, Poe sat perched atop his table in the courtyard with the other Elite Pilot Track students. There were few of them that were part of the Elite Pilot Track. It was understood that they would fly with only the best squadrons starting out, and would be squadron leaders one day. Poe looked out over the yard, his eyes scanning until he found what he was looking for. _Ben._

Ben was making his way out to the field beyond the main courtyard, a cigarra tucked between his lips, but no lunch in his hands. Next to Poe, his best friend, Jessika Pava was going on about some sort of first-day drama surrounding Ben and his refusal to wear the uniform. Leia had had to come down to the school, Han was almost flown in from across the galaxy, Ben was almost expelled on the spot. Either way, it seemed Ben hadn’t put on the uniform.

When they got inside and into line, Poe grabbed an extra tray. He filled both as he moved through the line. When he got to the checkout, he told them the extra one was for Ben.

 _“Ben Solo?”_ Jess asked.

Poe nodded. “I saw that he didn’t have a lunch when he went out to the field. He’s going to be hungry.”

Jess rolled her eyes. “You think he’s cute,” she said.

“I didn’t say that.”

“He’s your type.”

“How would you know?”

“He’s crazy, mysterious, dark and cute. He’s younger than you though,” Jess picked up packets of butter in the condiment line, “I thought you liked older guys?”

Poe shrugged as he balanced the extra tray and picked up butter for Ben. “I’m just taking him some lunch.”

***

Poe sat his own tray down at their table, then took the extra one and made his way to the field that sat outside of the courtyard. It was mostly used for training drills and boot camp for older students, but now it was Ben’s mess hall. Poe made his way across the lawn, and if Ben sensed his presence, he gave no indication. Poe knelt.

“Hey, Ben,” he said, “I brought you lunch.”

Poe looked at Ben. He was chewing on his fingernails in between smoking, so much so that they were nearly raw and bloody at the tips and around his cuticles.

“Are you hungry?” Poe asked.

Ben looked up now. At closer range, and in daylight, Poe could see that Ben’s face was dotted with tiny moles. His nose was ridged, the angles of his face were striking. Ben shrugged.

“Here,” Poe said, sitting down, “Today we have freshly-caught fish with steamed greens, a three-bean salad and spelt wheat bread.”

Ben said nothing.

“I brought pomegranate juice too. And butter.”

Poe extended the tray of food and Ben took it, his gaze still cast down.

“Do you need anything else?”

Ben shook his head.

“It’s good to see you again. Would you like some company? I can go get my food and eat with you.”

Ben shook his head.

“Ok. Maybe in a couple days? When you’ve had some time to adjust to being here?”

Ben shrugged.

“Ok,” Poe wished Ben would look up and meet his eyes, “I’ll come pick up your tray when lunch is over if you want? So you don’t have to go back into the cafeteria with everyone else.”

Ben nodded.

“Ok,” Poe said, standing back up now, “Are you ok?”

Ben nodded. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“You’re welcome, Ben. My locker and hangar number are both 227 if you ever need anything, ok?”

Ben nodded.

“Ok,” Poe said, and turned to go. He felt a twinge. He wanted to turn around and sit with Ben and talk to him. For hours, preferably.

Since their night on the balcony at the gala, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Ben. Poe had sketched a picture of him as soon as he got home so he wouldn’t forget what he looked like. He’d memorized the softness of Ben’s voice, the playful darkness of his eyes. He’d seen that little smirk hundreds of times in his mind’s eye, tasted the tabac that they’d shared still lingering on his lips. He’d tried to find the same tabac, not so much to smoke it as just to smell it be reminded of Ben, but couldn’t locate it in town. Poe guessed he must’ve gotten it off-planet when he was still with Luke.

He wanted to look into Ben’s eyes and hear his voice again, watch his lips move and see if his eyes lit up when he laughed and smiled. He wanted to feel Ben’s skin under his fingertips, to run his fingers through Ben’s dark hair. To kiss his full, rosy lips. He wanted to look into his eyes and listen to the way his voice sounded and watch his lips move when he spoke and see if his eyes lit up when he smiled.

Jess always told Poe that he was _too easily taken_ with boys _._ That he became infatuated almost immediately, fell in love too quickly and held on too tightly. Poe could already tell that this would be the case with the Ben, if not worse.

Despite how much he wanted to sit and talk with Ben, he kept walking away anyways. Just as he was leaving the field and entering the courtyard, he felt something: a warm, enveloping and soothing feeling that washed over him and then flowed through his veins. He turned to Ben.

Ben had dug into the food already, but he looked up now and met Poe’s gaze, and smiled -- short, fleeting and slight.

***

Poe had moved to D’Qar by himself in Grade 9 to start secondary school at the Rebellion Academy. He’d been accepted to the pilot track and though it pained him to leave Yavin IV, he had to do it. His future wasn’t on Yavin. He lived in campus housing with the other students who boarded there and he liked it well enough. He called his father often and went back to Yavin IV for holidays, but otherwise, he was settling into life well at school.

As he walked back to his room after his evening flight drills, his thoughts were of Ben. His thoughts were _always of Ben_. He’d seen Ben after school as he walked to the hangar for flight practice, waiting on the curb to be picked up, digging his toes in the dirt.

Poe had heard tales of Han Solo, but hadn’t really gotten a chance to talk to him. He’d met Han briefly at the gala, but Han hadn’t talked much. He wasn’t much of schmoozer at fancy galas. At least he and Ben had that in common.

He’d watched as Han pulled up to the academy drop-off and pick-up curb in a two-person speeder, a nice one. Shiny and sleek. Fast and precise. The kind that made little noise and offered no emissions into the atmosphere. Poe hadn’t ridden in one before.

Even when Had pulled up, Ben stayed put. Han had gotten out and gone around the speeder, getting closer to Ben and trying to ruffle his hair. Ben had pulled away. Words were exchanged. Finally, Ben let Han pull him into a hug. Han had ruffled his hair anyways and then let him go. They started to get into the speeder, but Ben argued with Han until Han had given up and let Ben drive. Ben took off at a reckless speed, kicking up dust behind them as they headed in the direction of the estate.

***

Since Poe was Grade 11 and his pilot track necessitated odd hours, he had a room to himself, and he was glad for it. As much as he loved being the center of attention, even he wanted to get out of the spotlight sometimes. He shut the door and took off his flight suit, dressed in nightclothes and then climbed up to his bed to think about Ben.

Poe laid on his back and pulled his notebook from under his pillow. He thought for a while, then sat up and sketched another picture of Ben -- the image of Han ruffling Ben’s hair and hugging him. Just as he was finishing in the shading, he heard a clink on his window. Not sure if he’d even heard it the first time, he went back to work, but stopped when he heard another.

He hopped down from bed and looked out of the window. He had a lot of friends that liked to invite him out to wander the base late at night, but when he pulled back the drapes and looked, he certainly didn’t expect to see Ben.

Ben stood on the ground, a pack on his pack and cigarra between his lips. Poe felt his heart surge, then felt a glimpse of fear. He pushed open the window and looked down at Ben, standing on the well-lit lawn in full view of the Resident Assistant’s quarters.

“Ben?” Poe hissed, “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“I brought you something.”

“Brought me something?”

Ben nodded. “Come downstairs. Meet me around back.”

Ben disappeared without giving Poe a chance to respond. Poe rolled his eyes and shut the window, then put on some shoes and slipped away down the back hall and to the back door. Ben was waiting outside, leaning against the wall and smoking.

“Ben?”

“Hey,” Ben said, “I brought you some tabac.”

Poe stared as Ben gently kicked off of the wall and opened his backpack. “The kind we smoked the night of the gala. You can’t find it around here.”

Poe’s eyes lit up. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Sure I did. You’re always thinking about it. And about me,” Ben said, “Come on.”

Ben began walking off towards the fields.

“Where are we going?”

“Take a walk with me.”

***

Ben shared the rest of his cigarra with Poe as they walked down the trail that led to the field. The academy was quiet at night. There was a strict 0900 curfew, which Ben had missed by 45 minutes in showing up outside of Poe’s window. Poe was never one to break a serious rule, but couldn’t help but walk quietly alongside Ben.

“It’s ok,” Ben said, “If anyone sees us, I’ll just tell them we’re not breaking curfew.”

“But we are.”

“I can make them think otherwise,” Ben said with a shrug.

Poe sighed. “Why did you come to see me?”

“Because you’re always thinking about me.”

“I guess,” Poe said.

“I didn’t think about you at all,” Ben said.

Poe’s shoulders slumped a bit. “Ok…”

“Until I saw you again in class today.”

Ben handed the cigarra to Poe. “Now I can’t stop it either. Thinking about you.”

They walked in silence, Poe smiling, his shoulders straightening back up.

“Did you get your X-Wing today?” Ben asked.

“Not yet. Later this week.”

“Did you finish your lightsaber?”

“Not yet. It’s going to take a while.”

They kept walking, the ground crunching beneath their feet.

“You don’t want to train anymore to be a Jedi? Is that why you’re here? At the _not Jedi_ academy?”

Ben shrugged. “You don’t want to know the answer to that. Let’s talk about something else.”

Poe sighed. “You should eat lunch with us sometime.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not good with people.”

“Well maybe you should learn?”

Ben laughed, a guttural laugh. “You wouldn’t be the first person to have tried that.”

They walked in silence for a bit more.

“I really should get back.”

“You don’t like being with me?” Ben asked, “I came all the way here to be with you.”

“I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“You won’t,” Ben said, “Come here.”

Ben took Poe’s hand and pulled him off the beaten path, to a smaller trail that that was cut through tall switchgrass.

Poe finally felt Ben’s skin, soft and cool -- but still warm, and as much as he knew he should get back, he instead let Ben continue to lead him into the grassy darkness.

“Where are we going?”

“To my favorite place on D’Qar.”

Ben intertwined his fingers with Poe’s now, the grass over their heads and the cigarra still on Ben’s lips as Ben pulled them along.

“Hold on. We’re going down now, ok?” Ben warned.

“Down?” Poe clarified as they began descending. The grass gave way to a cool, damp darkness, then stone beneath their feet. Poe looked around.

“I didn’t know D’Qar had caves.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about D’Qar.”

Ben continued dragging him along until they came to a clearing in the cave, an open space with a high ceiling.

“This is the punchbowl.”

Poe looked around. It was dark and damp, with rugged cavernous walls and steady trickles of water.

“It’s...” Poe began, letting his voice trail off, “Dark.”

Ben huffed. “No it isn’t. Look up. Look at the stars.”

Poe looked up now, through the top of the _punchbowl._ Ben was right. The punchbowl shape made the perfect frame for the star system that was just above their heads.

“Oh,” Poe said.

“Yeah,” Ben said, “Best view on D’Qar, right?”

“There are other places on D’Qar to view stars,” Poe said with a shrug, “Like, cliffs. Or open fields?”

“No,” Ben said, “The punchbowl is best because it’s a fixed frame. I have it memorized for each season.”

Ben sat down on the stone and unrolled a blanket. Poe looked around, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. There was a lot of Ben’s stuff here. A few blankets, parts of a lightsaber, candles, books, taffy wrappers and a pipe for smoking tabac.

“You hang out _here?_ On the academy campus?”

“Yep,” Ben said, lighting two candles then stretching out on his back over the blanket.

“Why here?”

“Because I like caves. And because it’s the last place my parents would think to look for me,” Ben scooted over to make room for Poe, “Lay down.”

Poe laid next to Ben and looked up.

“Do you like holding hands?” Ben asked.

“Yeah,” Poe said, “Of course.”

“Hold my hand, please.”

Poe tangled his fingers with Ben’s. With his other arm, Ben lifted up to point to the stars and planets above them.

“I’ve named them all. Or, the ones that didn’t already have names at least,” Ben said.

Poe stared, mesmerized as Ben pointed to each of the stars and planets named them off for him. The names were either scientific and complicated like, _Eridanus Achernar,_ or terribly simple, like _Ned._

“I’m going to visit them all,” Ben said, “You can come if you want.”

“Ok…” Poe said, “When?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t know. Not soon enough.”

They laid there in silence, the water trickling somewhere over their heads and their fingers laced tightly. Poe memorized the way Ben’s fingers felt in his, the way Ben’s breathing sounded so even and calm from where he lay next to him. He closed to eyes to drink it in and commit it to memory, a smile on his lips and squeezed Ben’s fingers and Ben squeezed right back.

***

When Poe opened his eyes again, he awoke with a start, the instant feeling of knowing something was wrong. He bolted upright and looked around. _Oh, that’s right. I’m in a cave sleeping next to Ben Solo._

Next to him, Ben still slept, curled in and holding the fetal position. Poe cursed himself for falling asleep and shook Ben awake. Ben murmured and eventually woke, opening his eyes and blinking at Poe.

“We have to get back.”

***

They’d trudged back to the academy’s campus and to Poe’s dormitory, the back door where they’d left a couple hours earlier.

“Sorry to keep you out late on a school night,” Ben said with a smirk once they got back.

Poe rolled his eyes, “You could really get me into trouble.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“I need to go to bed,” Poe said with a sigh, “Maybe we could plan to hang out sometime when it’s not past curfew?”

Ben shrugged.

“Is that a yes?”

“Goodnight, Poe,” Ben said.

“Is that a yes?”

Ben started to leave, but then turned and took Poe’s hand. Even though he was three years younger, he was the same height as Poe. He kissed Poe’s knuckles.

“Goodnight, Poe.”

***

Ben hadn’t showed up for homeroom, and he wasn’t there by lunch either. Poe didn’t see him until later in the afternoon, when he was approaching his locker to get books for his last few classes. Ben was seated there, in front of the locker, eating sunflower seeds.

“Two twenty-seven,” Ben said, looking up at the locker behind him, “This is you, right?”

“This is me,” Poe said, “Where have you been?”

“I overslept,” Ben said, scooting out of the way, “We were out late, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Poe said, “I had to be up at 0600 for basic training.”

“Oh. That’s too bad,” Ben said, rising to stand now and brushing bits of sunflower seed from his lap, “Want to go hang out by the river and catch tadpoles?”

“What?”

“You said you wanted to plan to hang out sometime before curfew. So I’m asking if you want to catch tadpoles,” Ben said, “If that’s too vanilla we can go for a drink at the watering hole and make out in a corner booth. I can get us in. _You don’t need to see our identification.”_ Ben waved his hand over Poe’s face.

“It’s the middle of the day. I have class. Then flight drills.”

“Skip them,” Ben said with a shrug.

“I want to hang out with you, Ben, but classes and flight practice are important to me, ok?”

Ben rolled his eyes and huffed. “Well I’m going for a drink.”

“You’re not going to class today?”

“Nope!” Ben pulled a marker from his pocket and motioned for Poe’s hand. He scribbled a number on it.

“You have a comm, right?” Ben asked.

Poe nodded.

“Call me when you’re done being responsible.”

***

Poe messaged Ben after drills, but received no response. He worked on homework in the library for a while, then ate dinner with his friends, then went back to his room and laid in bed and sketched a picture of Ben waiting by his locker. Still no response. Poe messaged him again.

_Poe: Are you there?_

Ben finally responded a half hour later, at almost 1000 hours.

_Ben: Yeah. Sorry. I was meditating._

_Poe: For three hours?_  

_Ben: Yep! I have a lot to meditate on._

Poe rolled his eyes. Ben had gone from _let’s hang out at the river and catch tadpoles_ to _let’s go drink_ to _I have a lot to meditate on._ Poe couldn’t decide if Ben was 8 or 28.

_Ben: Is it too late to hang out?_

_Poe: Yeah, it’s too late. I’m going to bed soon._

_Ben: How big is your bed?_

***

Ben had snuck in, dressed in his nightclothes, and looked around Poe’s room while Poe tried to track down an extra pillow. The room was tidy and crisp, outfitted only with regulation furniture and a few approved personal items. Ben rolled his eyes.

“You really shouldn’t be here,” Poe said, chewing on his lip.

“You tell me that _after_ I snuck out of Uncle Chewie’s place?”

“You don’t stay with your parents?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes. I’m all over the place.”

“I only have one pillow,” Poe concluded.

“That’s ok,” Ben said as he climbed the ladder up to Poe’s lofted bed, “We can share.”

Poe sighed and shut off the overhead lights, then climbed into bed with Ben. Ben was sitting up, and brushing his hair with Poe’s brush. Poe smiled and sat cross-legged, his back against the wall. Ben laid his head in Poe’s lap once he was done brushing his hair and looked up at him.

“We haven’t even kissed yet,” Ben said as Poe carded his fingers through his hair, “And I’m in your bed.”

“Well, you kind of invited yourself over,” Poe said.

“Do you want me to leave? Am I moving too fast for you?” Ben asked, and Poe couldn’t tell if Ben was being genuine or patronizing.

“I didn’t say that,” Poe said and smoothed hair away from Ben’s brow, then paused, “But I’ve never had a guy in my bed.”

_“You haven’t?”_

Poe shook his head.

“A girl, then?”

Poe chuckled. “Of course not.”

“You really are squeaky clean, Poe Dameron.”

“You’ve had a guy in _your_ bed?” Poe asked Ben.

Ben shook his head, “No, but I’ve been in other guy’s beds,” he said.

“Oh,” Poe said, “Just to sleep, or… more?”

“More. But also to sleep.”

Poe nodded.

“Are you going to give me a kiss or not?” Ben asked.

“I will,” Poe said, swallowing, “But I just … I only want to sleep next to you. ”

“Nothing more,” Ben said impatiently, “I know.”

Poe nodded.

“Give me a kiss now, please.”

Poe smiled and leaned down, his face hovering just a few inches above Ben’s perfect lips. Poe pressed a kiss there, light and respectful, then straightened.

Ben yawned. “Do you like being the big spoon or the little spoon?”

***

Poe’s alarm went off the next morning at 0600 and Ben cursed.

“You can stay and sleep,” Poe mumbled, reaching over Ben, his little spoon, to silence his alarm. They’d slept all night, soundly and cuddled up sweetly together. Poe kissed Ben’s hair as he sat up, looking down at the boy in his bed and feeling a surge of excitement. _Ben Organa-Solo-Skywalker_ _was in his bed_ , hair messy, tangled up in the crumpled sheets and blinking with disdain at having been woken up.

Then a feeling of dread. _Ben Organa-Solo-Skywalker was in his bed._ He wasn’t supposed to have anyone in his bed, much less a boy he’d known for a few days. Much less a senator’s son.

“Mmk,” Ben murmured, rolling over and holding onto a pillow in Poe’s absence.

“I’ll be back before class,” Poe said, “And you’re going to homeroom today.”

Ben hummed and rolled over again. Poe kissed Ben’s hair once more, then climbed down and dressed for training.


	2. Becoming Luminescent Glee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe can't get enough of each other, Poe asks Han and Leia's permission to date Ben and Ben takes Poe to the center of their star system and seals their fate -- despite what he knows the future will bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No underage sex, but lots of making out with these two.

Poe reclined in bed, Ben resting on his chest and a holovid playing above their heads on the holoprojector pod. They’d turned down the lights and crawled into bed to watch the holovid, but had spent the first 30 minutes kissing each other, then another 15 minutes retrieving crisps and taffy from the commissary. Forty-five minutes in and Poe didn’t know what was going on with the holovid, but didn’t care. He just liked feeling the weight of Ben against his chest, feeling Ben’s heart beating against him. 

In the thirty-six hours they’d known each other, Poe had already memorized even the most minute details about Ben. The scent of his hair, the softness of his skin, the sound of his sneezes and hiccups, the length of his fingers and toes, the curve of his hip and spine.  

Ben chewed on taffy and shifted his weight so he was more slouched down, his head fitting perfectly under Poe’s chin. Poe kissed his hair and rested an arm over Ben’s chest. Ben held onto Poe’s arm.

Ben laid there long enough to finish his taffy, then sat back up and turned to look at Poe.  

“Everything ok?” Poe asked, reaching out to lace his fingers with Ben’s.

“I want you to kiss me again.”

Poe smiled and sat up, then kissed Ben’s knuckles. “You don’t like the holovid?”

“I’ve seen it already,” Ben said, “And even if I hadn’t, I’d rather kiss anyways.”

Poe rolled his eyes, but kissed Ben, still tasting the taffy on his lips and tongue. He kissed Ben lightly to start, like he always did. They’d spent a lot of time making out over the last few days, always with Poe placing the first few kisses, light and sweet until Ben would kiss back with a sense of urgency, bordering on impatience. Or at least that’s how Poe read it. Ben was always the one to deepen their kisses, to hold the back of Poe’s head and use his tongue to part Poe’s lips and explore his mouth. Poe allowed it, and Ben would kiss him that way, with Poe kissing back until they both pulled away when it got too hot, opting to cuddle instead.

Ben kissed him hungrily now, their teeth scraping a bit, and with Ben emitting a few soft moans. He felt Ben move closer, closing the distance between their bodies like he had when they’d just made out an hour ago. They kissed that way for nearly ten minutes before Ben broke the kiss long enough to fold his legs under him and sit on his knees so he was taller than Poe. He kissed Poe again, holding either side of his face and tilting his head up to meet him.

“Ben?” Poe said.

“Hm?”

“I really like kissing you, but that’s all I want to do, you know?”

Ben nodded, “You’ve already told me that, Poe.”

“I know.”

“Did you think I forgot?”

“No,” Poe said, “I don’t know. I just want to make sure it’s ok.”

“Of course it’s ok.”

Poe sighed, and held Ben’s fingers in his. “You’re sure?”

Ben nodded.

“You’re _ 100% sure _ it’s ok that we aren’t going to have sex?”

Ben nodded.

“Ok,” Poe said.

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Ben said, “And I don’t mean to seem impatient or dissatisfied.”

Poe shrugged.

“Do you feel that way?” Ben asked, fidgeting with Poe’s fingers.

Poe sighed. “It’s not that I’m uncomfortable. I just -- I feel like you’re not satisfied. With just making out.”

“I just said I was,” Ben said.

“I know, but for how long?”

“For as long as it takes. Until we’re ready.”

“Even if it’s years?”

Ben nodded. “Even if it’s years.”

Poe squeezed Ben’s fingers, then kissed his knuckles.

“Why don’t you want to now though?” Ben asked softly, turning Poe’s palm up and tracing the lines of his hands, “If you don’t mind me asking?”

“I just think we should wait until we’re older,” Poe said, “You’re only 14. I’m 17 -- and I’ll be 18 soon. We’re almost four years apart. It’s just -- I don’t know, you’re so young.”

“What’s going to be different when we’re older?” Ben asked.

“We’ll know what we want.”

Ben shrugged. “I already know what I want.”

Poe swallowed.

“But, I don’t mean to say that I’m not willing to wait,” Ben said quickly, leaning in to kiss Poe, “I want to have sex with you one day, even if it’s not for a long time. But for now, I’m plenty happy just to kiss you.  _ I promise. _ ”

Poe smiled and kissed him back. “Ok,” he said.

“Ok,” Ben said.

“The other guys you’ve slept with,” Poe asked gently, “Were they older?”

Ben nodded.

“Older than me?”

Ben still traced the lines of Poe’s palm, inspecting closely, as the holovid played on above them.

“Your heart line begins in the middle,” Ben said, tracing it lightly back and forth.

“What?”

“Your heart line is this one,” Ben said tracing the top line on Poe’s palm, “It represents your emotions and ideas about romance.”

“Really?” Poe said, a smirk on his lips, “You’re a palm reader?”

“Your heart line starts in the middle of your palm,” Ben said, “That means you fall in love easily.”

“You’re making this up,” Poe said.

“I’m not,” Ben said, looking up now and kissing him quickly on the lips, “Your heart line is curved, which means you’re good at showing your emotions and expressing your feelings.”

“Yeah?” Poe asked, his eyes fixated on the way Ben’s lips moved as he spoke.

Ben nodded. “You have a few small broken lines intersecting your heart line, which suggests emotional trauma.”

Poe swallowed.

“This is your head line,” Ben said, tracing the line under the heart line, “Yours is separated from your life line, which means that you like adventure.”

Poe nodded.

“It’s thick and deep, which means you have a clear and focused mind.”

Ben rubbed over the next line, tracing it down to Poe’s wrist in a long arc. “This is the life line. Yours runs long and deep, which means you have a vitality for life. It’s also sort of circular, which shows strength and vigor.”

“You’re definitely making this up,” Poe said, smirking again.

“I’m not,” Ben said, looking up, “I promise.”

“What’s this line?” Poe asked, pointing to a line that ran straight down the center.

“That’s your fate line,” Ben said, looking closely, but remaining silent, “Not everyone has one.”

“What does that one mean?”

“Yours is hard to read,” Ben said.

“Ok?”

“It’s …” Ben said, turning Poe’s hand a bit, “It’s a combination of two different lines.”

“What does that mean?”

Ben shrugged and let his palm go. 

“You’re not going to finish?” Poe asked.

“I don’t know what your fate line means.”

“That sounds ominous.”

Ben shrugged.

“What does your fate line look like?” Poe took hold of Ben’s hand and opened his palm. His eyes grew wide when he saw it. I was impossibly deep and dark, long and straight. It didn’t look like a line, it looked like a  _ wound. _

“What does  _ that _ mean?” he asked.

“My palm isn’t nearly as interesting as yours,” Ben said and pulled it away, changing the subject and opening Poe’s palm again, “Your fate line shows breaks and changes of direction, which could mean that you’re likely to face changes brought on by external forces. But, it’s joined to your life line, which means your life aspirations were developed early on.”

“Ok,” Poe said, “Tell me about your palm.”

Ben huffed. He opened it tentatively. “My fate line is long, straight and dark, which means I’m controlled by fate and destiny. My life line is broken, which indicates a sudden change in lifestyle. I don’t have a head line. My heart line is broken, which means emotional trauma.”

“Oh.”

Ben changed the subject again. “The shape of your hand is a cross between fire and air, which means you’re personable and outgoing, radical and different in some ways, sometimes egoistic and impulsive, but bold, intuitive and passionate.”

Ben cupped Poe’s hand, then ran his index finger over the ridges of skin near his fingers. “These are called your mounts. You have a high Jupiter mount, which means you’re dominant and aggressive and confident. Your Mercury mount is high too, which means you like to talk. Sometimes too much.”

Ben let his hand go.

“How do you know all of this?”

Ben shrugged. “I read a lot.”

Poe nodded and Ben yawned. “I’m getting sleepy,” he said, “Can we go to bed soon?”

“Sure,” Poe said, “We can finish the holovid tomorrow if you want.”

Poe turned off the holoprojector pod and they got out of bed and went to the refresher to brush their teeth, then climbed back into bed.

“Do you think the Resident Assistant knows I’m here?” Ben asked as they settled into bed, Poe taking his place as Ben’s big spoon.

“I don’t know,” Poe said, “Maybe you should just get on the list for a room here? Then we won’t have to sneak around so much?”

“I don’t want to live here,” Ben said.

“Well, you’ve kind of been living here the past few days anyways.”

Ben sighed. “Do you have drills on Saturdays?” he asked, turning now to face Poe so their noses and lips could touch. Poe kissed him.

“Just one,” Poe said, “It will only take a few hours.”

“You always have drills.”

“I don’t have any Sunday.”

“Can we spend the whole day together?”

“Of course,” Poe said, tucking a few stray hairs behind Ben’s ear and kissing him again. Ben yawned, his eyes drifting open and shut a few times, while Poe tried to pretend he wasn’t watching Ben doze off.

They’d shared Poe’s bed for the past two nights, and Poe couldn’t help but wonder if Ben’s parents knew where he was. Ben said that he usually stayed with his Uncle Chewie because his parents fought a lot, but surely Chewie had told Han and Leia that Ben was never there.

“I told Chewie I was with you,” Ben murmured.

“What?”

“I told Chewie I’ve been staying with you.”

“I -- ok?” Poe said.

“I almost always know what you’re thinking,” Ben said, blinking his eyes open, “I can feel your thoughts when I’m around you.”

“Oh,” Poe said, kissing Ben’s nose, “Well, I really want to ask your parents permission to date you. Maybe I could go over and ask them on Saturday after drills?”

“You really don’t have to do that,” Ben said, “None of my other boyfriends have bothered to ask.”

“I know, but I really want to.”

Ben snuggled in closer to Poe, nosing at Poe’s neck and then cuddling up there.

“I think they’ve been hoping that I’d date you,” Ben said, as his eyelashes fluttered closed against Poe’s neck, “But I guess you can ask them anyways.”

***

Poe didn’t have many formal clothes with him at the academy, but he dressed in the nicest outfit he had: His ceremonial flight jacket in rebellion orange with the academy seal, a crisp black shirt underneath, brown pants and his knee-high, custom-fitted boots -- all the upperclassmen had them.

Poe had hired a speeder to take him to Han and Leia’s estate. He’d brought flowers for Leia and he’d wanted to bring cigarras for Han, but he wouldn’t be old enough to purchase them legally until next year. He’d opted just for the flowers, not wanting to show up with illegally obtained contraband for Han before asking permission to date his son.

Their estate was beautiful. Poe had only been once, the night of the gala, and that had been in the evening. It was even more beautiful in the daylight, with groundskeepers working at trimming the shrubbery and watering exotic flowers Poe had never seen. The stone pavers appeared to have been custom-cut and fitted, linking together in all shapes and sizes like a puzzle, all over the estate. The main house itself was massive, built from a rare stone that originated in the Outer Rim. Pod had heard it had 14 bedrooms, its own aircraft hangar and a training room for Ben to practice with his lightsaber.

Poe fidgeted as he rang the doorbell. Inside, he could hear it chime triumphantly. He hadn’t told them he was coming by, but Ben had told him that they were both home and that he could just come by whenever, as long as they weren’t in the middle of an argument. Poe swallowed and gripped the flowers as he heard footsteps approach the door. He hoped it would be Ben. Even though he had prepared himself to talk to Senator Organa and General Solo, he still hoped to break the ice by talking to Ben first.

One of the huge double doors swung open to reveal Han, standing barefoot, but looking very much like how Poe pictured. Dark pants, a white linen shirt, a vest, hair over his ears.

“Poe,” Han said, a smile on his lips, “Hi.”

“General Solo,” Poe said, “Hi. I hope you don’t mind--”

Han grunted, “Call me Han.”

Poe nodded. “Han,” he said, as if he’d never heard the name before.

“Come in!” Han said, “I think Ben is on the roof smoking what we hope is just tabac.”

Poe nodded and entered. “It is,” he said, “It’s just tabac.”

“He likes to think he’s kept his smoking a secret. So he only smokes on the roof or in the garden. But we already know. He could at least offer me one,” Han said, “You brought me flowers?”

Poe chuckled. “These are for Senator Organa.”

Han rolled his eyes. “Leia always gets the flowers,” he said, shutting the door behind Poe then yelling down the hall, “Leia! Ben’s boyfriend is here and he brought you flowers!”

Poe looked around the foyer. There was a giant painting of Han and Leia and a young, yet disagreeable, Ben. More exotic flowers. Granite floors, shined to perfection. He followed Han down the hall and to the sitting room.

Leia was sitting, feet up on the sofa, a drink in her hand. She smiled and stood when she saw Poe.

“Senator Organa,” Poe said, offering the flowers, “Sorry to just drop in on you. Ben told me you like orchids?”

“I do,” she said with a smile, “And call me Leia. These are lovely. Thank you, Poe.”

Poe, to his embarrassment, bowed slightly.

Leia smiled and indicated the chair across from the sofa. “Take a seat,” Leia said, “Can I get you something to drink?”

“I’m ok,” Poe said, “Thanks.”

Han had left to retrieve a vase and came back now with an elaborate crystal vase, half-filled with water. Leia placed the flowers in it and sat them on the table, then she sat back down. Han sat back down too, placing Leia’s feet in his lap and stroking lightly. Poe figured they probably hadn’t just been fighting, even though Ben insisted they  _ always were. _

Poe swallowed and Han and Leia smiled at him knowingly. “So,” Han said, “What can we do for you?”

“Thank you for having me,” Poe swallowed, “I would normally call first, but Ben told me just to come over.”

Han and Leia nodded. Poe continued.

“I’ve been spending a lot of time with Ben lately,” Poe began, nervous but confident, looking Han and Leia in the eyes and speaking clearly, “He’s wonderful. He’s smart and funny and sweet. He makes me feel like I’m flying, even when I not. The smell of his hair reminds me of the berries we grew in my garden at home and the sound of his laugh makes me feel happiness I haven’t felt since my mom passed.”

Poe paused his poetic monologue. Han and Leia were both very direct communicators. Ben had told him as much. He decided to cut to the chase.  

“I like Ben a lot and I’d like your permission to date him.”

Han threw his head back, laughing and then clapping his hands. Leia chuckled, but touched Han’s arm to silence him.

“You’re incredibly sweet for coming all the way here to ask us if you can date Ben,” Leia said, still smiling.

“I thought you were going to ask for his hand in marriage,” Han said, still laughing, a deep belly laugh.

“Han,” Leia said, holding back a chuckle herself, “Stop it.”

She turned to Poe now, “Of course you have our permission to date him, Poe. We’d like nothing more.”

“You’re the only one of his boyfriends we wouldn’t mind him dating,” Han said, “And you’re the only one who’s ever come around to ask.”

“We were hoping we’d get to meet you soon,” Leia said, “But Ben never wants to tell us about his boyfriends.”

Poe nodded. “I’m happy to have your approval,” he said, still nervous.  _ How many boyfriends had Ben had? He was only 14. Did he go through them like dirty socks? _

“But I should also tell you that Ben has been staying with me. In my dorm. For the past couple of days.”

Han shrugged. “Chewie told us. A couple of days ago.”

“Oh,” Poe said.

“Yeah, if we had a problem with it, you would’ve heard from me by now,” Han said, “Yours wouldn’t be the first bed I had to drag Ben out of.”

“Ok,” Poe said, his cheeks turning a bit red, “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked your permission sooner.”

“It’s really, ok, Poe,” Leia said, “It’s incredibly sweet that you came all the way here to ask us.”

Poe nodded. “I just really wanted your approval.”

“Well, you have it,” Leia said, “How did you get here? Will you stay for dinner?”

“I hired a speeder,” Poe said, “I guess can stay for dinner. If that’s ok?”

“Of course,” Leia said with a smile, “We’d love to have you.”

“Hell, since you’re here, maybe that means Ben will actually eat with us.”

***

Ben and Poe sat across the table from Han and Leia. Ben had come slinking into the sitting room just as the culinary droid was finishing dinner. Poe hadn’t seen Ben all day and he’d  _ missed him.  _ Ben was barefoot too, dressed in a black tunic and black leggings with his hair long and messy and almost down to his shoulders.  _ Had his hair gotten longer in just one day? _

He’d kissed Poe squarely on the mouth, holding there long enough for Poe’s cheeks to redden in front of Han and Leia. Once he’d broken the kiss, he’d asked why Poe was so dressed up, then pulled him into the dining room.

The culinary droid, for a machine that didn’t eat and couldn’t actually taste, had prepared a delicious dinner. Poe was used to the food at the academy, and while it wasn’t bad, it wasn’t  _ this. _ Most of the foods and ingredients Poe had never even heard of. They’d started with an acid beet salad. Ben picked at it.

“So how do you like D’Qar?” Leia asked Poe.

Poe nodded, “It’s great. I’m really liking it here.”

“And the academy?” Leia asked.

“It’s everything I imagined.”

Ben scoffed and piled his salad greens in a stack in the center of his plate.

Han rolled his eyes.

“What are your thoughts on sending upperclassmen as co-pilots on non-combat missions?” Han asked, “I’ve been pushing for it. But the board keeps voting me down.”

Poe’s eyes lit up. “I’d love the chance to go on non-combat training missions with a senior pilot.”

“It’s too dangerous, Han,” Leia said, “Even if it’s non-combat.”

“How else will they learn?” Ben chimed in, now eating the salad dressing with a spoon.

“In flight drills and simulations,” Leia said.

“That’s nothing like the real thing, mom.”

“I’m with Ben,” Han said.

Poe remained quiet and busied himself with cutting up a beet.

“What do you think, Poe?” Leia asked.

“He just said he’d love it,” Ben said.

“Do you think flight drills and simulations are enough to learn?” Leia asked.

Exactly eight minutes into dinner and Poe was already in a tight spot. “Um,” he fumbled.

“Of course not,” Ben said.

“I asked, Poe, honey,” Leia said to Ben.

“I - umm,” Poe said, “I think we can only learn so much in drills and simulations.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I think fear can’t be simulated, and it’s crucial to our actions in the field,” Poe said, “The sooner we learn to face fear head-on, the better. Waiting until training missions after graduation is too late, I think.”

Leia nodded. “You’re right about that, Poe.”

_ “Fear?” _ Ben said,  _ “That’s _ why you want to go on training missions earlier? To experience  _ fear?” _

“Ben--” Han warned.

“That’s bullshit.”

“Ben --” Leia tried this time.

“There’s a lot more to combat missions than just fear.”

“I didn’t say that was the only thing--”

“What about anger? Guilt? Apathy? Hate? You can’t simulate those either.”

Luckily, the service droid came around to clear salad plates.

“I didn’t say fear was the only reason, Ben,” Poe said.

Ben put his fork down, which he’d begun gripping at some point.

For a few minutes, the only noise was the clanking of plates as one droid took the empty ones away and another delivered the main course, smoked terrafin loin with flaxseed flatbread and saltnut butter.

They all picked at it.

“Ben, do you want to tell Poe about the engine you’re working on?” Leia asked.

Ben was cutting his terrafin loin into tiny pieces. “I’m building an X-Wing engine.”

Poe nodded. “For a T-65?”

Ben shook his head.

“What’s it for then?”

“For a better X-Wing,” Ben said.

“Oh,” Poe said, “Are there new X-Wings in development?”

“We’re working on something,” Leia said.

Ben rolled his eyes and chuckled darkly, “You mean  _ I’m _ working on something.”

Han and Leia exchanged a glance.  _ Was Ben engineering a new X-Wing?  _

Ben kept cutting his terrafin loin. “Anyways,” Ben said, “I disintegrated that engine.”

“What?” Leia said, “When?”

“This morning.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t like it.”

Leia sighed, “Ben, those parts are hard to come by.”

“Not to mention expensive,” Han added.

“You couldn’t have saved them?” Leia asked.

Ben shrugged and chewed his terrafin loin. They fell silent again. Poe felt a nervous sweat accumulating on his back. The tension in the air between Han, Leia and Ben was invisible, but palpable. Poe had never felt so uncomfortable so quickly, even with just a few words exchanged.  _ No wonder Ben doesn’t eat with them. _

They ate the rest of their entree mostly in silence. A few remarks were made about the weather and Leia asked Poe how he liked his classes.

For dessert, they had juniper berry pie with vanilla bean ice cream, which Ben requested seconds of. The service droid brought around caf for everyone after dessert, which to Poe’s surprise -- or maybe  _ not-surprise _ \-- Ben drank black.

“So, Poe,” Han said, “Maybe you can look at my flight dashboard and tell me what the hell’s wrong with it. I hear you’re top of the class in Applied Physics for Flight?”

“Um, actually,” Poe said, “I think that’s Ben.”

***

Poe and Han were hunched over the Falcon’s dashboard while Ben nosed around behind them. The fabled hangar was true, and it was filled with beautiful ships. Han had pointed them out.  _ That’s Luke’s first X-Wing. That’s my old Lambda-class T-4A shuttle. That’s Ben’s X-Wing. That’s Ben’s other X-Wing. That’s a vintage Upsilon ship that Ben’s fixing up. That’s Chewie’s weekend ship. _

“I think your nava-computer is cross-communicating with your hyperdrive,” Poe said, “So neither one is functioning properly.”

Han’s brow scrunched. “They’re supposed to communicate.”

“But they should still function as separate systems,” Poe said.

“I just ran a systems separation protocol last week.”

“Did you separate the base systems too?”

Behind them, Ben sighed.

“Dad, you’re running too many versions of each system,” he said, “Your nava-computer hasn’t been updated since I was 12. Your hyperdrive is version 4.1, which is like -- six versions behind. And you have too many custom patches.”

“Chewie installed the patches.”

“And I told him not to,” Ben said, sitting down now in the co-pilot seat, “And you have too many mods working on your compressor. You need to do a full systems audit, then update everything to the same versioning.”

“I’ll lose my data.”

“Back it up. Wipe it all. Update your systems. Upload the data,” Ben said, rolling his eyes, “It’s not that hard.”

Han looked to Poe. “Is he right?”

“Of course I’m right.”

Poe shrugged. “He’s right.” 

“See? Told you,” Ben said. 

“That’s going to take forever,” Han said.

“Well it’s either that or you keep having to make in-flight adjustments,” Ben said, “I don’t know what you want me to say, Han.”

“Well why don’t you do it?”

“Because this isn’t my ship.”

“It will be one day.”

“I don’t want this thing,” Ben said, “It’s a lemon.”

“Ben hates the  _ Falcon,” _ Han explained to Poe.

“It’s always broken,” Ben said, indicating a cluster of loose wires over their heads, “I don’t have time for this.”

Han sighed and Ben stood. He took Poe’s hand. “Come see my X-Wing.”

***

Poe was nearly salivating as he looked over, in, under and around Ben’s X-Wing. Ben watched from the side and munched on some taffy he’d pulled from his pocket.

“She’s beautiful,” Poe said, “You told me you didn’t have an X-Wing.”

“No I didn’t.”

“I asked you if you had one and you said no.” 

Ben shrugged.

“I didn’t even know you were a pilot,” Poe said, his brow furrowing.

“I’m not,” Ben said.

“You don’t fly this then?”

“I didn’t say I didn’t fly,” Ben said, “I said I wasn’t a pilot. Being able to fly doesn’t make me a pilot.”

Poe looked at him, rolling his eyes slightly, but climbing up the ladder again to peek at the controls dashboard.

“Want to fly it?” Ben asked, stepping up to the ladder and tapping on Poe’s boot.

“I can fly it?”

“You’re a pilot aren’t you?”

***

Ben and Poe whipped around in the sky, twirling and spinning and accelerating decelerating and dropping. Ben flew  _ his other X-Wing _ and let Poe fly his fully-outfitted X-Wing. They talked to each other in the head sets.

“How did you modify the accelerator?”

“It’s a TIE fighter trigger.”

“You put a TIE fighter trigger in an X-Wing?”

“Yep.”

Poe looked at the controls. Even with several years of flying under his belt, Ben had still had to give him few pointers before they left the hangar. The controls were a blend of several manufacturers, languages and sensors. The ship was fast, lethal, accurate and agile. Ben had just said he wasn’t a pilot, so Poe had to wonder what Ben needed it for.

“Follow me,” Ben said, dipping left quickly and dropping his altitude, before beginning a near-vertical ascent into the sky and past the planet’s atmosphere.

_ Who the hell taught him how to fly? _ Poe wondered, as he very sensibly maneuvered his ship to gain altitude and follow Ben, who was now turning out barrel rolls for no reason.

“Where are we going, Ben?” Poe asked, “I hadn’t really planned on going off planet tonight.”

“We’re not going off planet,” Ben said, “Just follow me.”

Ben righted his ship and accelerated quickly, dipping back down into the planet’s atmosphere and zipping over D’Qar.

Poe sighed. Ben seemed to have no respect for the laws of flight, flight safety or best practices. He flew like a madman, yanking at the controls and sweeping to and fro in the sky just for theatrics. After ten minutes, Ben went in for landing in a grassy field and Poe followed. They touched down, killed the engines and deboarded.

They stood in a field of tall, impossibly green grass, which still seemed too green even in the dusk of the evening. The sun had set about thirty minutes ago, leaving remnants of a pink glow in the sky. The stars were beginning to show, with the brightest of them presenting first. The field seemed like an endless stretch of nothing.

“What is this place, Ben?” Poe asked, taking off his helmet and tucking it under his arm. Ben had flung his helmet to the ground.

“Come here!” Ben said, clasping his hand and dragging him across the field in a brisk jog.

“Where are we going, babe?” Poe asked, then winced.  _ Babe.  _ He hadn’t meant to let that slip.

“We’re almost there!” Ben said, still dragging Poe. The wind blew the tops of the grass sideways against their knees and a few fireflies buzzed around, disappearing just before Ben and Poe got to where they were. Finally, Ben came to a stop.

“It’s the exact center of this star system!” he said.

“Oh,” Poe said, looking around, “Really?”

Ben nodded, “Pretty cool, right?”

Poe smiled. “It is pretty cool. How do you know this is the center?”

“I found the coordinates in the archives and came to check it out,” Ben said.

“You were reading about star systems?” Poe asked, checking Ben’s hands for any indication that he was looking to a small nava-computer for the coordinates, “And how do you know this is the spot?”

“I don’t need a nava-computer. I can feel it,” Ben said with a shrug, then fished in his pocket for something.

“I love you, Poe,” Ben said simply, turning to face Poe now. Even though Ben was younger, they were the same height, their eyes and noses perfectly aligned.

“Oh, Poe said, his stomach turning quickly,  _ “Wow. _ Yeah, Ben. I -- I love you too.”

Ben took Poe’s hand and put a ring on his finger. “I made these for us today,” he said, shaking some hair from his face.

“Oh -- ok. What? What is it?” Poe asked, feeling his hand tremble a bit in Ben’s, his heart suddenly pumping in his temples.

“A way for us to be together even when we’re not.”

Poe inspected it. It was made of a smooth, silver metal. Plain, but oddly fascinating. “It’s beautiful, Ben,” Poe said, “But we can see each other as much as we want, you know? Your parents gave me permission to date you.”

Ben shook his head. “Not forever.”

“What?”

“Here,” Ben said, putting the other ring on Poe’s palm, “This one’s mine. Put it on my finger, please.”

Poe held the ring with shaky fingers and slid it onto Ben’s hand. Ben kissed him deeply and Poe kissed right back.

“When we have sex for the first time, can we do it here?” Ben asked.

“Sure,” Poe said, his heart still beating in his ears, “Whatever you want, babe.”

Ben nodded and pulled Poe down to the grass with him. Their bodies made a clearing large enough for them to lie down and look up at the stars.

“What did you make the rings out of?

“The X-Wing enging parts I disintegrated, along with minerals from my favorite planet.”

“What’s your favorite planet?”

“Yavin IV.”

“It is?”

Ben nodded.

“You’re not just saying that because I’m from there?”

“No. I grew up there too, you know.”

“I know,” Poe said, pulling Ben close to his chest and breathing in the scent of his hair, “It’s a wonder our paths didn’t cross.”

“I didn’t leave the base much,” Ben said, “I was … sick. A lot. As a kid.”

“Oh?” Poe said, “I didn’t know that.”

Ben snuggled in closer to Poe. “Will you keep the ring I gave you?” Ben asked, “No matter what happens?”  

“Of course,” Poe said, “Of course I’ll keep it, Ben. No matter what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr at [its-the-neon-bible](http://its-the-neon-bible.tumblr.com/)


	3. Atoms splinter, sparkling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SERIES SUMMARY: Jess always told Poe that he was too easily taken with boys. That he became infatuated almost immediately, fell in love too quickly and held on too tightly. Poe could already tell that this would be the case with the Ben, if not worse.
> 
> Or: Young Poe meets Young Ben, a secondary school romance ensues, Ben disappears and then resurfaces 15 years later as Kylo Ren and in desperate need of Poe's help.
> 
> CHAPTER SUMMARY: Ben and Poe are in love, happy in their relationship and planning for their future together -- but Ben's behavior is sometimes strange and he won't tell Poe what's wrong.

“Did you do your homework, babe?” Poe asked as he put Ben’s notebooks into his bookbag for him. They were at school, Poe having talked to Ben into attending class that day, and Ben only agreeing because he wanted to see Poe.

Ben sighed from where he was slouched against the locker next to the one he and Poe shared now. “No, I didn’t do it,” he said, “We were on the phone all night, remember?”

“Yeah, but when we picked up, you told me you’d already finished your homework,” Poe said.

Ben shrugged. “Homework doesn’t matter, Poe.”

“Yes it does, baby,” Poe said, fastening Ben’s bookbag and giving it to him, “Your parents said you have to keep your grades up if we want to keep dating.”

“My grades are the least of their worries,” Ben muttered as he put the bookbag on. Poe got his books too, then shut their locker. They’d started sharing Poe’s so they could see each other in between classes and give each other a kiss and exchange the notebook used for their shared doodles and love notes. Plus, Ben had lost the combination for his.

“We’re going to the library tonight so you can catch up on homework,” Poe said as they laced their fingers together and walked to class.

Ben rolled his eyes, but figured homework wouldn’t be so bad as long as Poe was there.

“If we get done early we can go back to my room and cuddle for a while before your parents pick you up,” Poe said, squeezing Ben’s fingers.

Han and Leia had agreed to Ben’s dating Poe, but insisted that Ben sleep in his own bed, either at their place or at Chewie’s. They let him hang out with Poe until bedtime, and then either Han or Chewie picked him up from Poe’s dorm.

Ben sighed. He  _ hated _ the new rule. “I want to stay with you,” he said.

“Your parents don’t want us sharing a bed.”

“So?”

“So,” Poe said, “We can’t share a bed.”

They stopped in front of the door of Ben’s next class.

“But we don’t have much time together,” Ben said.

“Why do you keep saying that, babe?” Poe asked.

Ben shrugged, then leaned into kiss Poe. “See you after class?” he asked.

Poe nodded and kissed Ben back. “See you after class.”

***

“How’s your husband?” Jess asked when Poe arrived to class and slipped into the desk behind her. 

He rolled his eyes. “Ben isn’t my husband.”

“He gave you a ring.”

Poe shrugged. “That doesn’t mean he’s my husband.”

“Well then what does it mean?” Jess asked.

“It just means that we love each other,” Poe said.

“You  _ love him?” _ Jess said, “You haven’t even known him long enough to know whether or not you love him.”

“Well no one else will even give him a chance,” Poe said “You won’t even speak to him. You have no idea what he’s like.”

“Poe,” Jess said, turning to face him, “He’s  _ insane.  _ You know that, right?”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Just because you don’t like Ben doesn’t mean he’s insane.”

“Did you hear what he did on Yavin IV? Why they had to leave and come to D’Qar?”

“Jess--” Poe began.

“There’s a lot you should know about him, Poe.”

“What, and you know about him?”

“I know more than you do.”

“He’s disintegrated people, just with his thoughts. He was kicked out of Jedi training! His parents sent him away to Luke Skywalker, and even Luke couldn't control him.”

“He’s different now,” Poe said.

“How could you possibly know that he’s different?”

“How could you possibly know that he isn’t?”

Jess rolled her eyes and turned around. “I’m just saying I think you two should slow down,” she said, “A ring and an  _ I’ll love you forever promise _ is a bit much for a fourteen year old.”

“I’m 17.”

“But Ben’s not.”

Poe sighed and opened his backpack. It was his turn to leave a note and a doodle for Ben in their notebook. Poe opened it to see what Ben had left him during the last class period. Ben had sketched their wedding day, exchanging a kiss at an altar, flower wreaths on both of their heads. He’d written  _ I love you _ underneath in bubble letters. Poe shut it quickly before Jess could see.

“Do you want to go get milkshakes with us after flight practice?” Jess asked, turning around again.

“I can’t,” Poe said.

Jess rolled her eyes. “Let me guess. Ben?”

Poe sighed. “We’re going to the library so he can get caught up on homework.”

“Are you  _ ever _ going to hang out with us again? Like, at all?”

“Ben’s really behind on his homework.”

“There’s always something with Ben.”

“He has to keep his grades up or his parents won’t let us date each other anymore.”

Jess sighed. “Look, I get it,” she said, “Ben-Organa-Solo-Skywalker is really cute and mysterious, but you realize you’re throwing away your entire junior year and your friends just to be with him?”

_ “Throwing away?” _

“We never see you anymore!”

“I have a boyfriend!”

Jess sighed and turned back around.

“You could come to the library with us, you know,” Poe said, “And maybe get to know him?”

Jess shook her head and crossed her arms, then turned back around to face the front of the room.

***

Ben was resting his head in Poe’s lap and munching on sunflower seeds. 

“Are you going to do any work, baby?” Poe asked, turning another page of his book and then running his fingers through Ben’s hair.

“After my snack,” Ben said, shifting his head and neck in Poe’s lap.

Poe bent to kiss him. “Ok,” he said, “As soon as snack is over you have to get to work.”

“Do you want to go to the theater this weekend and see that new holodocumentary about primal villages in the Outer Rim?”

“I haven’t heard of that one, babe,” Poe said.

“Here,” Ben said, swallowing the last of his sunflower seeds and wiping his hands on his tunic, “I’ll play you the preview.”

Ben dug around in his pocket for his comm.

Poe touched his arm to pause him. “Maybe we can watch the preview after we do our homework?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “You sound like my mom.”

Poe bent to kiss Ben’s hair.

“How about this?” Poe said, “We’ll watch the preview, but then you have to start on homework.”

Ben frowned.

“And, if we get all our homework done tonight, we can go see the holovid tomorrow night. I’ll rent a speeder for us for the night and pick you up at your parents house and we can do dinner and the movie.”

Ben looked up at Poe and blinked. “Like, a  _ real _ date?”

“Yeah, baby,” Poe said, smiling down at Ben and smoothing his hair away from his face, “Like a real date.”

***

Ben, it would seem, didn’t do his homework not because he didn’t want to, but because it was boring. He finished his Applied Physics homework in 20 minutes, then finished the additional assignments he’d missed in another 30 minutes, sighing all the while. He’d caught up on his reading for lit class and turned out a quick response essay in another hour. He’d worked quickly and diligently for about two hours, and so when he wanted to take a break and sit in Poe’s lap and kiss his hair, Poe allowed it. 

“I love you,” Ben said as he played with a few curls around Poe’s neck.

“I love you too, Ben,” Poe said.

“Do you want to get married on Yavin IV?” Ben asked, running his fingers over Poe’s lips, “Or on like, a tropical planet where we could have a beach wedding?”

Poe kissed Ben’s fingers. “Yavin IV I think,” he said.

“Then maybe we could honeymoon on a tropical planet?” Ben asked.

Poe nodded and Ben thumbed at Poe’s lower lip.

“When do you want to get married?” Ben asked.

“When we’re older,” Poe said.

Ben rolled his eyes, “I know that, Poe,” he said, “How much older?”

Poe shrugged. “At least in our 20s?”

Ben nodded, “I don’t think I’ll get married until I’m at least 30.”

Poe’s eyes bulged. “What? That’s not for another 15 years, baby?”

“I know,” Ben said with a shrug, “We’ll still love each other though, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, of course we will,” Poe said, kissing Ben’s jaw, “I just -- why so long?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t think I’ll be ready until then.”

“So we’re going to be together for 15 years before we get married?” Poe said, feeling more relieved at saying it aloud, like things weren’t rushing and moving along as quickly as he’d thought.

Ben shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“What? You don’t know what?”

Ben shrugged again.

“You don’t know if we’ll be together?”

“The future is hard to see.”

“Babe,” Poe said, “You just said you want to marry me. And now you’re not even sure we’ll be together?”

“I think the universe ultimately wants us to be together,” Ben said, “So it’ll happen. I just don’t know about the in between parts.”

Poe stared at him, then hugged his waist tight and close. He buried his face in Ben’s chest, then kissed his collarbone. “I don’t know either, babe,” Poe said, “But if I hold onto you forever, as tightly as I can, then nothing can separate us, right?”

Ben didn’t respond but he kissed Poe’s hair a few times, then said softly over and over,  _ I love you. _

***

Ben was late to school the next morning -- late enough that he’d missed homeroom. Poe rolled his eyes and sent Ben a message. 

_ Poe: You spent time doing all the physics homework, but now you won’t even show up to homeroom? _

Ben hadn’t responded, but he’d arrived after second period. Poe found him at their locker, stuffing books into his bookbag.

“Ben!” Poe said, approaching him, “Where were you this morning?”

“I overslept.”

“I set an alarm on your comm for you!”

“I didn’t hear it,” Ben didn’t look at Poe.

“Your parents couldn’t wake you?”

“They’re off-planet this morning for a senate meeting or something. I don’t know.”

Poe sighed. “You have to start coming to class, babe.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Ben said.

“There are attendance policies here!”

“I don’t care.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

Ben looked up at Poe now. His eyes were red. His face was pale. His lips were dry. His hair was stringy.

“Ben?” Poe said, his eyes growing wide, “Wh-What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Ben said, putting his bookbag on.

Poe watched Ben shut the locker and turn to go. His mind spun, trying to calculate what could’ve happen to ben since they’d last seen each other. When Han had picked them up from the library and they’d parted ways just twelve hours ago, Ben had looked like himself. Bright eyes, rosy cheeks, full, pink lips and a stupid smile on his face as he’d kissed Poe goodbye.

“What happened, baby? Is everything ok?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Ben said more forcefully, looking at Poe with fiery eyes. Poe stared, unable to form words. Ben stalked away and Poe watched, unsure of what to do. Should he try to get in touch with Han and Leia? Or Chewie? Should he follow Ben?

Poe realized the halls were clearing out. Class was starting soon. He watched Ben until he disappeared around a corner, then turned to go to class.

***

Poe didn’t see Ben the rest of the day, the last day of classes for the week, and messages to his comm went unanswered. After flight drills, Poe checked his comm to see Ben had finally responded. 

_ Ben: I went home to take a nap. Call me when you’re done with drills. _

Poe called immediately. No answer. Poe called again. Still no answer. Poe called again, the line picked up this time, but it wasn’t Ben.

“Poe.”

It was Han.

“Han?” Poe said, “I mean, General Solo. Hi.”

“Call me Han.”

“Ok. Han,” Poe said, clearing his throat, “Is Ben around?”

“He’s here. He’s asleep though,” Han said, “He sleeps like the dead, or else he would’ve heard one of your six calls.”

“It was just two, sir.”

“Want me to wake him for you?”

“Um, no. I just -- I just wanted to see how he was doing. Is he ok?” Poe asked, “He didn’t look too great at school this morning.”

“Yeah, he wasn’t feeling well so Leia sent me to get him from school. He’s been sleeping for a few hours.”

“Ok,” Poe said, “Is he ok?”

“He’s fine,” Han said, “He should be up soon. He said you two had a date tonight?”

“Yeah, we were going to do dinner and a movie,” Poe said, “He isn’t too sick to go on the date?”

“He’s not sick,” Han said, “He just wasn’t feeling well. Come on over. I’ll wake him up before you get here.”

***

Poe arrived at Han and Leia’s to pick up Ben for their date with a pound of Ben’s favorite butterscotch candies and a pint of his favorite vanilla bean ice cream from the creamery. He hadn’t thought it through all the way, and the ice cream was mostly melted. He rang the doorbell. 

Again, Han answered.

“Poe,” he said, then looked at the candy and ice cream, “Are you going to bring us gifts every time you come over?”

Poe chuckled. “This for Ben. Since he wasn’t feeling well.”

“The ice cream isn’t holding up too well,” Han said, nodding the dripping container, “Let’s get that in the freezer.”

Poe followed Han down to the kitchen. Leia was setting the table for dinner in the adjoining dining room. She came into the kitchen when she saw Poe.

“Poe,” Leia said, “Hi.”

“Senator Organa,” Poe said, “Hello.”

“Ben says you’re going to the theater tonight?”

Poe nodded. “We are. Ben wanted to see a holodocumentary about primal tribes in the Outer Rim.”

Leia nodded, “He mentioned that one.”

“Ben!” Han yelled back down the corridor, “Poe’s here!”

“Is he ok?” Poe asked, “He looked pretty terrible at school today.”

“He’s ok,” Leia said, “He’s unwell sometimes. But he’s fine now.”

_ Unwell? _ Poe thought as Ben came bounding into the kitchen. He ran straight to Poe and hugged his neck.

Poe hugged him close and tight, butterscotch candies still in hand. “Ben?” Poe said once they pulled back, “Are you ok?”

“Yep!” Ben said. Poe looked at him. His face was still a little more pale than usual, but his eyes seemed bright again and his lips were soft. He was getting some rosiness back in his cheeks and his hair was freshly washed.  

“I brought you some butterscotch,” Poe said, offering the bag. Ben’s eyes lit up as he took the bag and looked inside. He kissed Poe.

“Thank you,” he said. He dumped the bag out on the counter, then swiped a few into the pocket of his tunic, “We need to leave if we want to have time for dinner!”

Ben took Poe’s hand and started dragging him to the door.

“You need to be home by 11, Ben,” Han said as he and Leia followed.

Ben was next to the door, putting on his shoes. “I know,” he grumbled.

“We’ll be home before that, sir,” Poe said, “The movie ends around 10.”

“But we were going to sit in the speeder and make out once it’s over,” Ben said as he shrugged on a jacket.

Poe blushed.

“Just be home by 11?” Han said, “And keep your clothes on?”

Ben scrunched up his nose. “Dad,” he whined.

“Do you have your comm, Ben?” Leia asked.

“I have it.”

“Call us if you need anything, ok?”

“I’m fine, mom,” Ben said, then grabbed Poe’s hand, “Come on!”

***

Poe and Ben had enough time to stop at the diner before the movie. They snuggled into a booth and placed their orders for dinner after inspecting the menu. They’d both ordered Bantha burgers with shoestring potatoes. Ben snuggled into Poe’s side while they waited for their food. 

“What happened today, baby?” Poe asked, “You looked awful at school this morning.”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

“We can’t talk about it at all?”

“I wasn’t feeling well,” he said, “I’m  fine now, though.”

“Are you sure?” Poe asked, trying to make eye contact with him.

“I’m fine,” Ben said and kissed Poe’s cheek. “Tell me about your day.”

Poe kissed Ben back and then held his hand. “It was ok. I just missed you,” he said, pulling their notebook out from where he’d rolled it up and stuffed it in the pocket of his jacket, “I left you a lot of doodles.”

Ben’s eyes lit up as he took the journal and began flipping through.

“I hate it when you’re not at school with me,” Poe said, watching Ben’s eyes scan the pages of their notebook, “I miss you so much when you’re gone.”

Poe tucked a few stray hairs behind Ben’s  ear. “I miss you even when we’re in different classes for an hour.”

“I missed you too,” Ben said, turning to look at Poe, “I wish we could be together all the time.”

“We can one day,” Poe said. Ben kissed Poe’s cheek.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Ben asked, laying his head to rest on Poe’s shoulder as he looked through the rest of the sketches and notes Poe had left for him.

“A pilot,” Poe said, “You already know that, babe?”

“That’s it?” Ben asked.

_ “That’s it?” _ Poe’s brow furrowed.

“What if you grow up and become and pilot and it’s not what you thought it would be? What then?”

“What do you mean, babe?”

Ben shrugged and huffed. “I don’t know,” he said, “I need to leave you sketches and notes to get caught up.”

Ben sat up now and pulled out a pen. He began drawing a picture of them at the diner.

“What do you want to be? When you grow up?” Poe asked.

Ben shrugged. “I really like their milkshakes here,” Ben said, “Maybe if it’s not too late we can come back and get one after the movie?”

***

When they’d gotten to the theater, Ben had wavered at the last minute and decided he wanted to see a Rancor monster flick instead of the Outer Rim holodocumentary he’d mentioned the day before. Ben fished some credits from his pocket to pay for the movie. He’d paid for dinner too. Poe sighed. 

“You were supposed to let me pay, babe,” Poe said as they stood in line for popcorn and soda.

“My parents gave us credits to use,” he said with a shrug.

“Well at least let me buy the popcorn and soda?” Poe said.

“Ok,” Ben said and took Poe’s fingers in his, “Can we get the large bucket?”

***

The holofilm, _Rancors Attack 3,_ was part of a series that Poe had never seen. Ben filled him in, in a not-so-quiet whisper as he chewed on popcorn. He was sitting in his own seat, but he had his knees arched up over the armrest and his legs stretched out over Poe’s lap. Poe held Ben’s legs close to his torso and tried to follow along with Ben’s summary. 

“That’s Zarli Masu-Ka,” Ben whispered, “She’s a rancor hunter credited with more than 200 kills!”

Poe nodded and muched on popcorn.

“She lost an eye in the last movie, so that’s what the patch is for,” Ben said, “And she teamed up with Zef Odan at the end of the last movie. He manufactures alien weapons technology. They’re trying to make a blaster that can pierce Rancor skin.”

Poe looked up at the screen and watched for a few minutes, as Ben gave him more background on a newly-discovered Rancor gene mutation, but found that really, he just wanted to watch Ben. Ben was chewing on popcorn absently, spilling it everywhere, eyes locked on the screen. He hardly blinked. He pulled butterscotch candies from his pocket intermittently and sucked on them and Poe had to wonder how many he had in there.

Poe held Ben’s legs closer to his torso. He didn’t like not being able to touch Ben. Poe hated whenever he couldn’t hold onto Ben, even if he was just in the next room. He wanted to keep Ben close all the time and never let him go. He tried to forget about how terrible Ben had looked at school that day: His red eyes, his washed out skin, his stringy hair, his cracked lips. He looked like he’d been through hell, and they’d only been separated a few hours.  _ What could’ve happened? _

Poe looked over at Ben again, whose eyes had yet to leave the screen. Han said that Ben hadn’t been sick, he just hadn’t been well. Poe didn’t know or understand the difference, but decided that if he could keep Ben close, then it wouldn’t matter.

***

The movie was awful and Ben had loved it. They held hands as they walked back out to the speeder and Ben rehashed his favorite scenes. 

“Did you like when Zarli Masu-Ka used the Rancor’s own talon to slice its stomach open?” Ben asked.

“Yeah, that was great, babe,” Poe said as he unlocked their speeder.

“Can we still get the milkshake?” Ben asked as they got in. They had some leftover popcorn, so Ben was holding the bucket in his lap. Poe checked his chrono. They had just over an hour until curfew.

“Sure,” Poe said.

***

They split a berry milkshake from the diner and got it to go so they could walk around town and look at the stars. Life on D’Qar was a bit busier than Yavin IV, with more lights and activity, so the stars were less visible, but still visible nonetheless. Ben’s favorite tabac store was still open, so he went in to buy more tabac and rolling papers, waving his hand when the shop owner asked to see his identification. 

When they got back outside, Ben lit one of his cigarras and took a long drag as they made their way to the park.

“My parents think you’re perfect, Poe,” Ben said.

“They said that?”

Ben shook his head, “I can sense it.”

Poe nodded.

“I think they want me to be with you forever,” he said and blew smoke from his lips.

Poe squeezed his hand. “I can do that,” he said with a smirk, shaking Ben’s arm.

Ben shrugged. “They want you to save me,” he muttered around the cigarra.

“To save you?” Poe asked. “Save you from what?”

Ben sighed. “Do you think they’ll let you sleep over?” Ben asked, “I miss sharing a bed with you.”

“Ben, you never answer my questions, babe,” Poe said.

Ben didn’t answer.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Poe asked.

Ben shrugged and puffed from his cigarra.

“You have to talk to me, babe,” Poe said, “What’s going on?”

“My future is unclear,” Ben said after a few moments of silence.

“Everyone’s future is unclear,” Poe said, “You could at least talk to me about it.”

“We’ll talk about it later.”

“You promise?”

Ben nodded.

“I miss sharing a bed with you too,” Poe said, “I sleep better when you’re there.”

Ben nodded, then spoke softly, almost in a whisper.  _ “I can’t sleep without you.” _

***

Ben had practically begged, but Han and Leia had agreed to let Poe stay over. They knew Ben was having trouble sleeping, and that, aside from his afternoon nap, he hadn’t properly slept last since he was last in Poe’s bed almost a week earlier. 

Before he’d started dating Poe, they’d had to give him sleeping pills to get him to rest just a few hours each night. Even then, his sleep was fitful. He’d toss and turn and sweat. Leia would sit with him sometimes to help him relax and sleep, but it was exhausting for her too.

Poe was the only thing that seemed to help.

Ben changed into his nightclothes and Poe borrowed some of Ben’s and they’d climbed into Ben’s bed together as Han and Leia came in to turn out the lights. Ben had fallen asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, before Han and Leia could kiss him goodnight and switch off his lamp. He slept curled up and facing Poe, their hands clasped between their bodies.

Han and Leia took turns checking on Ben a few times in the night, but he was fast asleep, having not moved a muscle since he first fell asleep next to Poe.

***

Poe woke up the next morning with his hand still clasped in Ben’s. The sun filtered in through Ben’s curtains as Poe kissed Ben’s nose and looked around his room. It was surprisingly tidy, with hundreds of antique books lining the walls and small engine parts and tools on his desk. Poe remembered Ben saying that he liked to read. 

Poe sat up gently, letting Ben’s hand go. Ben stirred and murmured something and Poe kissed his hair, then slipped out of bed. Ben’s door was open and Poe stuck his head out and looked down the hall each way for the bathroom. He found it, then washed his face and went back to Ben’s room to dress in his clothes from the night before. Ben had woken up and was sitting up in bed, still sleepy-eyed and with his messy bed hair. He was rubbing his eyes and watching Poe start to change clothes.

“Why’d you leave?” Ben asked.

“I had to pee,” Poe said, “Sorry.”

“Come back to bed,” Ben whined and laid back down and curled up with his pillow. Poe left his nightclothes on and climbed back into bed with Ben. He tucked a stray hair behind Ben’s ear as the smell of hotcakes filtered into Ben’s room.

“I’m glad my parents let you stay,” Ben said, “I haven’t been able to sleep without you.”

“Why not?”

Ben shrugged. Poe sighed and laid down and Ben nestled into him. Poe spooned him and hugged his waist and kissed his shoulder.

“You said we’d talk,” Poe said.

“Later,” Ben said.

Poe sighed, but didn’t push it. He just hugged Ben and sniffed the scent of his hair.

“I love you,” Poe murmured into Ben’s ear.

“I love you too,” Ben said.

***

Han had made hotcakes for breakfast and Ben dove in like he hadn’t eaten in days. Poe watched as Ben drowned his pancakes in expensive maple tree syrup and chased it all with a huge mug of caf. Han sat down a fresh platter of hot cakes then joined Poe, Leia and Ben at the table. Ben snatched more hotcakes from the platter and added them to his stack.

“Come up for a breath, Ben,” Han said.

Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m hungry, dad!”

Leia smiled. “Slow down, honey,” Leia said.

Ben rolled his eyes, but at least swallowed the food he had left he had left in his mouth before adding more.

Poe got the sense that Han and Leia wanted to talk about  _ something _ , but they only made small talk during breakfast. They asked about the movie, school, classes and flight drills. Ben didn’t contribute much to the conversation, outside of the movie. He just ate his hotcakes and burped loudly when he was finished.

“I’m gonna go shower,” Ben murmured as he stood and kissed Poe’s hair. Poe looked up at him.

“Ok,” he said.

“Will you help me with my X-Wing engine?” Ben asked, “I disintegrated the one a few days ago, but now I think I want to rebuild it. I have all the parts.”

“Sure,” Poe said.

“Ok,” Ben said, “Want to shower with me?”

“Ben,” Han said with a sigh. Leia rolled her eyes.

“It was worth a try,” Ben said and kissed Poe’s nose, “I’ll be right back.”

Ben went back down the hall and up the stairs.

Poe blushed and sipped his caf. “Thank you for letting me stay over,” Poe said.

“You’re welcome,” Leia said, “Ben hasn’t been sleeping well.”

Han sipped his caf too.

“It looks like he slept well last night,” Leia said, “And he’s eating well.”

Han nodded. Poe nodded.

Poe had to ask, but he proceeded with caution. “Is he … um, ok?”

Leia and Han looked to each other. The glance they exchanged was also cautious.

“He hasn’t been well lately,” Leia said.”

“Is he sick?” Poe asked.

Leia shook her head. “He had to leave the Jedi Academy, as you know,” she began.

Poe nodded.

“He’s having these … sort of headaches lately. Usually accompanied by a vision. We think he’s seeing the future.”

“What’s causing the headaches?” Poe asked.

Han and Leia exchanged a look again.

“We think he’s in danger,” Leia said carefully, “We think he’s being communicated with and influenced by a powerful force user who aligns with the dark side. We were hoping Luke could help him, but Ben doesn’t seem interested in accepting anyone’s help. He’s pushing Luke away.”

Poe nodded, processing the information. “What -- um, what’s going to happen to him? Will he be ok?”

“We aren’t sure,” Leia said, “Luke and the other apprentices at the academy have also been in communication with this -- dark presence. We’re deciding what to do. For now, it seems to help when he’s with you.”

Poe nodded.

“It’s hard on him,” Han said, “Dealing with this leaves him pretty exhausted and drained.”

“He doesn’t sleep well most nights,” Leia said, “Except for when he’s with you.”

Poe sighed, “Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked, “I’d do anything to keep him safe.”

Leia nodded. “We’re taking care of him as much as we can. Luke is working on finding the source of this dark presence that’s communicating with him. We’re just happy that he has you to offer a distraction sometimes. He loves you. And it’s good for him to feel this. To feel love.”

Poe nodded and swallowed. “I love him too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YIKES. I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in two months! Life has been super busy (I got a new job!!), and I have trouble writing multiple fics at once! But, this fic has not been abandoned and will be finished! There's still a lot in store here, including Ben's future and upcoming kylux...

**Author's Note:**

> Series title and opening quote are taken from Akron/Family's song, Creator. Work and chapter titles are taken from Akron/Family's song, River. 
> 
> Also, there is mention of underage sex, but this fic will contain NO depictions of underage sex between Ben and Poe. Once they're adults, god help us.
> 
> I'm on tumblr at [its-the-neon-bible](http://its-the-neon-bible.tumblr.com).


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